Saturday, March 13, 2004
five more minutes... *_fillintheblank_* ..im awake.. hahah
oh come lie down close to me
do what you dare - oh i dont care
spuratic is better. today was whoa. i got an award at the ODU thing. cool stuff
aint it. yeah. im red. like a toe-may-toe. sleepy hollow. wow. heads. uhh. my
pillow smells good. and my blanket. yaye. i sound crazy. thats all folks.
please dont lick me.. : S
Posted at 06:40 pm by xragdollx
Friday, March 12, 2004
i got no regret right now - im feeling this
the air is so cold and low - im feeling this
let me go in her room - im feeling this
i wanna take off her clothes - im feeling this
show me the way to bed - im feeling this
show me the way you move - im feeling this
fuck it, it's such a blur - im feeling this
okay so today was pretty good. hung out with bob. we were sposed to sneak out
last night but his bro and sister i think stayed up sick last night so that totaly blew.
but possibly tonight. hah im crazy. lol. so yeah had a couple cigs to cure the damn
cravings. i should quit. i am getting better though cus i dont smoke as often as i
used to. thats gotta count for somethin, right?? hmm i think so. rians getting her
tongue peirced and this is getting scary. the amount of things that rian and i have
in common. its like.. wowsers. hah. i might POSSIBLY get my tongue peirced over
spring break. the parentals will be gone and it will give me plenty of time to heal
over. it all depends though. i need to get a new bathing suit. i also need to go
tanning more. actually im not sure about tanning cus matt told me it makes ur
skin all leathery and thats just gross. maybe i'll go like.. one more time. that
should last until the summer then i can tan naturaly (in bobs pool : P) lol yeahh.
oh man. one bad thing about if i get my tongue peirced.. no kissing for 2 weeks
i hear... i dont think i can do that. hah i know that sounds totaly sad but i mean
man.. i love kissing. speaking of which. (.i.want.to.make.out.badly.)
Posted at 04:05 pm by xragdollx
Thursday, March 11, 2004
kiss me
beneath the milky twilight
lead me
out on the moonlit floor
lift your open hand
strike up the band
and make the fireflies dance
silver moons sparkling - so kiss me
: ) hello. i stayed after for the computer competition today after school.
then my sisters friend, jennifer (hah yet another one) came and picked me
up because stupid york buses were all gay-like and desided they didnt want
to drive me home. my sister was working so her friend was like "i'll do it"
god bless her. ::sigh:: im happy (like whoa) i came home. got a msg from
mike and walked to his house. nobody home. im so not lucky when it comes
to trying to see people or talk to them. hmm oh well though. ive got mucho
homework to do. my dad turned off the internet on his computer because
i "abuse the privalege" so now im on my sisters lap top. heh.. im addicted.
to many things actually. yeah.
<s>kiss me damnit</s>
Posted at 01:53 pm by xragdollx
Wednesday, March 10, 2004
leave me standing here
act like im not around
the the coast will probably never clear
can i please go home now
i had that dream about you again
where i wait outside until you let me in
and there i stay
.. i want to make out like whoa ..
i have many ideas flowing in my head and one day when i am not a wuss i
will get off my bum and fulfill these thoughts. hell yes. i will. my mind is
over doing itself and i cant think right and i cant remember anything from
today. school sucked and many people pissed me off but i cant remember
the details. hmm im happy now though. yes. very happy.
porn movies.. hmm....
Posted at 02:49 pm by xragdollx
Tuesday, March 09, 2004
throw away this very old shoelace
that tripped you again
try to shrug it off
its only skin now
you need to understand
theres nothing fake about this
you need to let me in
dads home. one day early. cant stay on for long. he smelled cigarettes on me.
shit. oh well. i give up. i got some SAT practicing stuff in the mail today. this
will be good. i talked to mike. it was akward. now i understand a wee bit. i wish
i could understand more. i had a nice dream. very nice indeed. i want you to
kiss me. with no hints at it either i want you to just grab me and kiss me. hell yes
that is what i want. this spring break that is coming up. im so psyched about it.
not only are the parentals leaving but i might also have some friends stay over
and if they do it will be awesome x a million. i played pool to day with my sister
and caitlin and i kicked butt, hell yes. caitlin killed herself with scratching and i
just plain kicked my sister out. heheh nahh i didnt do that great, just consider the
people that i went with and you'll get that. i want to go bowling for some odd
reason. i called bob. he wasnt home. no one was home. i left a msg. i hate leaving
msgs. im paranoid. yeah. and im dumb. i took a quiz thing.. yeah... i got this
under the name some people thing...
Yellow – matt – some one you will never forget
Orange – rian – a true friend
Red – mike - some one you love
White – Kristin – your twin soul
Green – bob – some one you will always remember
yeah well i gotta jet. i have things to think about.
you make me feel akward too. and i wish that nothing was all complicated-like and things would be nicer.
Posted at 05:43 pm by xragdollx
Monday, March 08, 2004
this entry is long like whoa
i wanna get serious right away
1-2 i got a crush on you
what you doin today or any other day
1-2 i got a crush on you
just one look and i go insane
1-2 i got a crush on you
the clash rocks my room
you told me to write an entry on you. you know who you are and you kill me.
although not purposefuly so i just feel dumb. because you know what. i am dumb.
i should trip and be hung with this shoe lace in my hand. yeah. you guessed it.
im a loser and i feel lost. because every time i get over you i fall right back down
and its making it hard for me to give up. i hate myself because of this. and dont
feel bad. its not your fault im a loser. look - im taking your gig. youve been
promoted to zombie and im stuck with being a ragidy doll. i can smell you and i
cant forget you. and this is past killer and its reached bummer. please dont feel
bad. its not your fault. really it isnt. you make me smile. but you also make me
sad. only because knowing all of everything will remain in the past. yeah. i need
to stop whining. forget what i just wrote. but those were my thoughts so i wont
bother to erase them that would just be dumb. yeah. dumb. like me. yeah. whoa.
xox Live Si Ome: i feel like a half disected doll whos been forgotten
yeah. today i went to school. it sucked. went tanning. it sucked. walked to aarons.
that sucked too. broke up with him and ended all things for good. that mega sucked.
wanted to talk to bob because i wanted to see him but he hasnt been online while i
was and this blows. yeah. cleaned my room. need to do laundry. need to vaccume.
went to mikes house. he makes me smile. and laugh. it was grand. thank you mike.
i dont feel good. i feel sick. but not. i feel sick because im a stupid loser whoa cant
get over the things ive had in the past. feelings suck. fugg them all. i need to lay low
with the bad words. if i cuss infront of you. shove my head in a blender.
Posted at 06:33 pm by xragdollx
Sunday, March 07, 2004
so how could I go on and where did we go wrong
can someone give me answers maybe
the way you looked in that dress so obviously selfish
can you just wake me in the end because I am
taking it all back thats every word that I said
for every word that you could never get the nerve to say
taking it all back thats every promise I made
for every promise you could never get the nerve to say
and tell me when you leave so I can finally breathe
though suffocating isnt so bad
okay so kristin and i made today our "Anti - Emo Day" which was much
needed from the both of us - and for some other people that i know -
but thats just a whole different subject. i went to kristins, watched Taxi
Driver and Finding Nemo. we went for a little walk and then when we
got back to her house we left to go to her whole church group thing. and
that was pretty cool. i like her church lots. its kind or odd how many times
i end up going there though. i get invited lots. by either kristin or mike or
bob but bob doesnt even go there.. so thats just weird. yeah.. david and
i talked to day wowsers. its been a while for that one. but yeah im just
happy to have been there for him today. and yeah my dads coming back
on wednesday which means that i should clean my room up by then or
else he will kill me so tomorrow i must clean my room and tuesday do the
laundry. heh. my mom was all like "dads coming back wednesday clean
your room! no more parties.. damnit" (she was actually referring to her
own parties because i didnt have any) heh pretty awesome i believe : D
i dont know what all is going on with aaron but i really wish that this stupid
high school drama would just end. if youve got a problem with somebody
you talk to them about it and either work it out or make up some kind of
compromise. you dont just go on and cut them off completely thats just
fuggin stupid. oh well though - MOVING ON - in more than just one way, might
i add. fuck yes.. i did just say that. and only one special lady friend out there
knows who i am talking about.. well.. no.. sorry to burst your bubble kristin
but stephani g. knows it too. heh muhhh bad.. yeah.. im not even sure about
that though. this is all just dumb. like me. and you. and us. and every thing.
oh and by the way - just because i give up. does not mean that i dont care.
Posted at 08:09 pm by xragdollx
Saturday, March 06, 2004
............... emo moment ............... *caution* incessant whining
im not sober all the time
you bring me down at least you try
until we see this eye to eye
i dont want you
i must be running out of luck
cause you're just not drunk enough to fuck
and now ive had it up to here
i don't want you
it took so long to see
you walked away from me
when I need you
wake up im pounding on the door
im not the man gurl i was before
where the hell are you
when i need you
okay so heres something that ive known for a while now but ive never
actually sat down and thought about it and put it into these words...
every one you know. every one you see. every one you talk to. no matter
how close you believe you both to be, towards each other. they will indeed
leave you one day. they will pick themselves up. and leave you. theres
no use in hoping. theres no use in wishing for someone to be with you for
long because no matter how many tears you shed or how many prayers you
scream at the top of your lungs. your wishes will not be fulfilled. so why bother.
seriously. what.is.the.point .someone tell me what the point is because it has
forever been lost in me. eh. fuck it. im dumb.
no need for comments on this entry. this wasnt ment for your comments.
i just needed to let some feelings out and now that ive let a little bit out i'll
leave you guys to all of your own whining and problems and drama-drama.
Posted at 08:20 pm by xragdollx
Friday, March 05, 2004
((( stole this from another blog )))
01. Fallen for your best friend?: uhh maybe.. >.> <.< ..yeah
02. Made out w/ JUST a friend?: yeah
03. Been rejected?: yeah
04. Been in love?: nah - felt like it but nah
05. Been in lust?: ohhhh where do i start..
06. Used someone?: i regret being that much of a bitch. : S
07. Been used?: shyeah..
08. Cheated on someone?: im stupid like that
09. Been cheated on?: yeah
10. Been kissed?: derrr - aparently i kiss "like a porn star" is that good / bad ??
11. Done something you regret?: ... derrrr
*Who was the last person...
12. You touched? caitlyn i gave her a hug
13. You talked to? caitlyn she was givin me her nmbr
14. You hugged? caitlyn
15. You instant messaged? David.. who isnt talkin to me nemore
16. You kissed? aaron
17. You had sex with? none of your god damned business
18. You yelled at? whitey - - >> thats his nickname cus hes all albino and shiz but yeah gosh hes so clueless i just had to open his eyes for him a bit
19. You laughed with? kim and hannah
21. Who broke your heart? aaron.. still is.. hes doin it slowly though.. yeah..
*Do you...
22. Colour your hair? shyeah red / orange / black - whooooo
23. Have tattoos? nahhh NOT YET
24. Piercings? 5 in each ear
25. Have a boyfriend/girlfriend/both? im not sure. im confused. possibly for five months if you include the dating part.. but i really dont even know about that.
27. Own a webcam? noperz
Posted at 09:05 pm by xragdollx
all i want - all i need - is you
i need a friend
one that will be there for me
when im down and out.
when im drunk as hell.
when im contemplating stupid things.
and just basicaly during those times where i feel like
im in desperate need of a hug
but maybe thats just too
much for me to ask for.. i dont know
i sit here and say i give up. ' i dont give a sh-- ' but i do. oh how i do.
id give so much to not care about any thing right now. my moms got
her friends over for a big korean dinner. i dont know. i can honestly
say though, i give up on trying to be on good terms with mum and dad
nothing i do is good enough and everything that is good that i do could
be better and wont please either of them until it is ' the best ' i wish
that i had the money to just get up and buy a ticket to japan and leave.
i wouldnt tell a single soul that i was leaving, either. id wait for the next
couple of years and maybe by then someone - anyone would notice
that i had left. umm well. enough of my stupid whining. im out.
~* kRyStLe *~
Posted at 01:43 pm by xragdollx
